So I finally have an answer to the question that everyone has been plaguing me with for the past few weeks... "So, did you pass?" (see previous blog)
Alas, I did not. I must say, seeing that big "F" in the email made my heart drop to my stomach. I am disappointed. I worked hard this semester, and it didn’t turn out how I wanted it. I was thankful that my dad was on the phone when I opened the attachment. “Well, it was the Lord’s will.” Indeed it was. For reasons yet to be known by me, God did not want me in graduate school anymore. (I could go to graduate school elsewhere, but I'm tired. I need to quit postponing the real world and just live it.) I say this with pure confidence because I truly thought I did decent on the exam. Yes it was hard, and no, I wasn’t absolutely sure I’d passed, but I felt really good about it – I had done my best. But the good Lord has other plans for my life. What those plans are, I have no earthly idea.
I called my buddy Jay* after I found out; he was in the same position I was: pass this last one to have the opportunity to complete the PhD, or fail and be forced to leave the school. He knew why I called. “Please tell me you have good news!” “No,” he said. I couldn’t believe it. There is a bit of good news, though; we each have about two months to find jobs.
I called my old roomie Hedda* to (jokingly) ask her if her school was hiring. “Actually, we are! There are 5 positions opening up – you should apply. I’ll even call my boss and make sure your application gets to her.” That would be fun; I miss her. But is it time for me to leave Lubbock?
The lease on my apartment isn’t up until December. I just knew that the PhD was in my life-path and that I would pass (I studied hard enough), so I signed a year lease and got a good deal. Now it’s not such a good deal unless I stay in Lubbock for a semester. J.D.* wants me to stay for “selfish reasons” she says; so I can still hang out with her and the other girls from my office. I do love those girls, and I would be sad to leave them so soon after becoming friends with them. There is a junior college in Lubbock, so I could see if they are hiring. I continue to keep my options open, though. I still haven’t decided if I want to teach or do research, which makes job hunting more difficult with more options.
Whatever happens with my career and my personal life, I know I’ll have to be okay. (I'm sure you'd rather hear my thoughts on me and B* at this point, but I'm not ready to chat about that yet.) I have my Jesus, which is all I need; anything else in my life is extra whipped cream on an already-perfect ice cream sundae with brownies, chocolate chips and marshmallows.
*Names were changed ... duh.
